Guest Blogger: Phil Ashey

Guest blogging today is The Rev’d Phil Ashey.  Phil is currently the Chief Operating and Development Officer of the American Anglican Council.

“OOPS — IT’S ME AGAIN!”

I was reading this morning’s lesson from our Daily Office Lectionary, the one in Matthew 26 where in dark Gethsemane Peter says to Jesus, “Lord, even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”  (Matthew 26:33) And then in the very next breath his famous last words:  “Lord even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” (Matthew 26:35)

We all know the rest of the story, how Peter failed miserably, broke his trust with Jesus, and did exactly what he had vowed publicly not to do– betraying his master and friend three times before the rooster crowed, just as Jesus predicted.  ”What incredible hubris!” I thought to myself.  ”How could Peter make such a ridiculous overestimation of his own strengths and underestimate his weaknesses?”  Then I began to answer those questions by taking a closer look at the text.  When Peter boasted that “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will,” he was looking at his fellow disciples.  He was standing in front of them, contrasting himself to them.  We can imagine Peter pointing to them as he says to Jesus “Even if all fall away…” Peter was comparing himself to others, and drawing satisfaction from the comparison.  Standing before the perfect and sinless Sin of God, Peter was content to look elsewhere and draw comfort from his comparison to others.

And then, like Nathan to David, the Holy Spirit thundered through my conscience:  “Thou art the man!”

Mea culpa. How many times have I compounded my sin by choosing instead to focus on someone else who has sinned against me, or sinned worse then me (in my estimation)?  How many times have I also stood before the Lord and failed to do business with Him and his holiness– resting instead in a false sense of moral superiority as I compare myself to others, just as Peter did?  How many times have you done the same?  How many times have we played to the crowd rather than an audience of One?  How often have we contrasted our selves with others, blinding and numbing ourselves to our own sinfulness and betrayal of Jesus?  It is painful to contemplate.

It is not only personally painful to contemplate.  It is painful to contemplate as a church leader.  How many times during the realignment of Anglicanism in North America have we stood before the Lord and said– pointing to the leadership of TEC, theological revisionists, and all the usual suspects–  “LORD, even if all fall away on account of you, WE never will!” Pride goes before a  fall just as Peter experienced.  In this narrow window of opportunity to build a Christ-centered, Holy Spirit-empowered, Biblical and missional Anglicanism in North America, are we missing the very sins and syndromes from which we need to repent?  Are we choosing instead to focus on the sins and failures of TEC, the ABC and the Lambeth power structures– all the while dwelling in a false sense of moral and spiritual superiority as we compare ourselves to them?

When will we stop comparing ourselves to others, and start comparing ourselves to Jesus?  If discipleship is simply “living our lives as Jesus would if he were in our shoes” (Dallas Willard), where else can we look and measure but at Jesus himself.

Fortunately, Jesus makes the looking much less painful than it otherwise could be.  With grace and compassion he said to all of the disciples, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me… But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” (Matt. 26: 32) There is no hint of anger or bitterness in his heart.  His heart has room only for the pledge of ongoing friendship and forgiveness, despite his knowing that we will sin and betray him!  Can you imagine the love and patience in his eyes when, in response to Peter’s brazen protest– and ours– Jesus says “I tell you the truth this very night, before the rooster crows, you will deny me three times.”?

Comparing ourselves to others is not only a shortcut to denial and blindness– it is a spiritual dead end.  By failing to serve and please an audience of one, we deprive ourselves and our church of deep level repentance, deliverance, inner healing and transformation.

I’m praying that Jesus’ gaze will overcome my stubborn avoidance of my own sinfulness.  I’m praying that the love, compassion, grace and forbearance I see in Jesus’ eyes will cause me to stop comparing myself to others, and turn my eyes to Him and his holiness.

How about you?